::The following newspaper would find itself spread all over the island and on most public boards, including Bendir Dale, Cordor, Kohl, Fortress Wiltun, Tarkuul, Amia Forest, and Kampos::

As the editor I would like to formally apologize to the lack of recent 'monthly' news. A recent fact-checking mission went fowl after an encounter with a mishap with a raven-hared Avesmancer caused one of our writers to fly the coup, with nothing but chicken-scratch notes left behind. We sincerely apologize for the delay.

-Aaron A. Adoms, Chief Editor

Top Stories Tonight

13 pies missing from Cordor North! A well-meaning miss named Mary placed her Mango pie near her window mullion this Monday morning, and missing they did go. "Mayhaps," Law-Knight Miltion commented, "Mayhaps twas the maid from Melbrook, not some maligned miniature mobster." Mitigating comments aside, Miss Mary maintains they were purloined by three miniature men of a 'pesky' age."

The two 'Silver Dragons' whose story we have been following appears to have reached a conclusion. The city claims the pair was dismissed for dereliction of duty, whereas the two individuals say it was a case of discrimination. Alas they have decided to leave the city "behind," literally, in this case, as they were seen mooning the Holy City as their ship departed, headed for friendlier waters.

The Tarkuul day-care was forced to close today, after last months ruling that child-sized skeletons did not necessarily qualify for free child-care under the cities 'progressive' child-care laws. Regular readers may remember it was the Amian Monthly Newsletter first breaking the story that some ill-meaning Necromancers were simply enrolling Hin-based-skeletons into the program, claiming them to be children and asking for city aid. With a dramatic drop in attendance and government funding, local Hin necromancer 'Little-Bone McKenzie' said this when asked for comment; "I had a good thing going, and you had to ruin it!"

The local Cordorian court of appeals is set to convene today. Hearing the case of one I.P. Freely, accused of giving the local tax-collector a fake name. His attorney, Oliver Klozoff, was unavailable for comment.

Trouble in Paradise as a Bird of Paradise was loosed in the Grove. The Bird of Paradise has taken to squawking at the most inopportune times, often interrupting important conversations at what seems to be calculated moments, while hovering directly over common grove meeting spots. So far the bird has been described as 'bird-brained,' and 'rude,' by Grove residents. Recently however the bird has not been seen, though one witness reported seeing a panther climbing down a tree with red, orange, and green feathers in its mouth, raising some ethical concerns.

More legal trouble in Kohl as a recent prospect to the silver dragons was turned down. According to the unnamed plaintiff, his rejection to the Silver Dragon force was made entirely upon the color of his scales. His acting attorney, Zat'tst The Red had this to say. "The Silver Dragons would have you believe my client had his application rejected based on 'fair and honest' concerns, but did you know, they rejected my client without so much as even a 'face to face' meeting? The so called 'Paladins of the Triad' even had the gall to suggest they could tell the color of a dragons scales, based solely on their handwriting. Let me ask you, could you tell me, if a gold, or red, or green dragon wrote this note I hold in my hand right now? I assure you, that you cannot. We simply demand our fair compensation based on a pattern of racial discrimination that dates back to this cities founding!"

News From A Broad

Greetings readers, it is I, Viola E, with this months 'News from a Broad.' This month our topic is Dating a Dragon! And in that spirit I have ranked the dragons in my trademark 'Date Order!'

Top Choices!
Gold, Silver, Red, Blue, Green.

These choices are all excellent variations. Not only are they deeply loyal and family focused, I also included the biggest, baddest, bad-boy of them all for any gals who like to embrace their bad side!

Middle Choices!
Brass, Copper

These are your 'nice guys,' they make good friends, and can really help lift your spirits with a good joke or conversation to take your mind off your day, but neither is really fitting for a long-term relationship!

You can do better!
White, Bronze, Black

Almost animals! Avoid these guys like the plague! All they want to do is sit in a swamp, sit in the snow, or talk about warfare. Ugh! No thanks! To my friend Cecilia, "Girl you can do better then that Bronze!"

Travel

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Come to the Spine of the World, adventurer, if you dare. I, Klauth, await your challenge. Come, thief, test your cleverness against my gauntlet of traps. Come, false-priest, see if your Gods will help you in this place. Come, warrior, watch your strength break like a branch to the wind. Come, fighting man, come cleric, come magic-user, come adventurer; travel to the Klauthen Vale, let me free you from your mortal-yoke and send you to the Crystal Spire. Come, fool, to my lair, your destiny compels you.

-Advertisement-

Opinion; Squatters Rights or, Whose Glade is it Anyway?

A question I find myself asking with increasing frequency, just who is it that owns the Hidden Glade? Some say it belongs to the gnolls, as they live in the area. Others say it belongs to the Grove, as it is a natural place and nature is their domain. Others still say it belongs to the Goblins, who have lived there these past few months. Nay, I say, The Hidden Glade belongs to the Elves, as it should, and any whom question Elven dominion are making a grievous error.

Letters to the Editor

Why do bad things happen to good people?

-Timmy, age 8

Well Timmy, bad things happen to good people, because there are two forces at play. The forces of good, and the forces of Evil. The forces of Evil do bad things to good people at any opportunity, because that is their nature. Unlike 'good' individuals, 'Evil' people have no character, no moral standing, no inhibitions, no hesitation, and no cause. 'Evil' people are meant to be dug out and destroyed at the root so their condition cannot spread. As long as 'Evil' people exist, bad things will continue to happen. Therefore, we encourage you to do your part and help destroy every 'Evil' person you can find. Remember that while some spells can be tricked, and clever wordplay may deceive, all Evil will still fall before the blade, and should they have been judged good, then you, as a Paladin, simply hastened their transition into the paradise of the next world by giving them their mortal liberation. So, be prodigious in your seeking out of Evil, be proactive and destroy all Evil may have touched, be protective by not allowing those who may have contacted Evil to remain alive to turn, remember, you do them a mercy by ending them before they change and turn against you.

Always be vigilant.

~H
Amian Paladin Consultant

Personal

I want my skeleton back. It was a good skeleton, and I liked it. I know you animated and stole it "J," return it before we have trouble.

Dear Demarchess, I don't believe you.

What's the deal with zombie sharks? Are they zombies, or sharks?

No one has claimed Bosco and I am keeping him because he loves me.

You know why I hate commoners and aristocrats? They have no real class.

Missed Connections

There's only three vampires on this entire island, come back to my lair and we can make it four.

Does no one have room in their life for some wide-eyed girl from Wharftown?

Credits

Aaron A. Adoms - Chief Editor

Viola E - Writer
Fly C - Writer
Jason H - Writer
Bort C - Editing
Elron B - Writer


Copyright 1385, Amia Monthly Newsletter.

[Previous Editions are Attached]
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viewtopic.php?f=58&t=88381

A small elven ranger cleans up the newspapers out of the Amian Forest, two large wolves prowling around close to her. She reads the newspapers as she burns the rest of them, mumbling something as she nods..

"Gods damned bird.."

_________________

*A certain paladin in Kohlingen sighs and removes them. Also when buying metal ingots in Kampo's he graciously changes May to Mirtul for better understanding.*

_________________
Lord Hector Sylgerand
Glendil Fettian, the black bard

A Copper Hin kinda covered in stone dirt on his working overalls reads it on Bendir and talks to himself:

"Whaaaaaa?! MIDDLE?!?! Pffttt... And I can really get into serious long term relationships!! *he grumbles and goes back to his stonework* "

_________________
Wilfire Strongfeet (Tight pants)
Adela Griffonheart (Poke)
Hallvardr Erikson (Sexy Boy)
Emilly MacMillan (Happy)



Sprites by Raua!

[Standard months are part of the topic title to distinguish the topics from one another in case one gets bumped, so users of this website can tell which topic is for which month. The month 'May' does not appear in the article text or IC title at any point, nor did February in the issue before it, or January before that.

The notices are simply titled 'Amia Monthly Newsletter.' I apologize for any confusion caused.]