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In the library of Barak Runedar you come across a small book bound in thick leather and emblazoned with lettering in the dwarven runic manuscript:
A Brief Guide to Proper Dwarven Courtship Practice
By Vigdis of Runedar
Foreword: It is the duty of every kin to understand the regional variations in mating customs
peculiar to your Hold. This is a handbook written for those of you seeking to understand the
proper, traditional steps to be taken in the course of a courtship between kin. Remember, in
adhering to these rites and traditions you do our Ancestors and the Morndinsamman honour and
bring honour to your family by keeping the spirit of our people true.
This is not law; rather, it is a codification of the most common principles and practices underlying
the mating rites of kin commonly observed in all lands of the stone-born. Each individual Hold
makes its own laws concerning these matters, but the traditions outlined herein are those most
true to the founding principles of our people.
All references to gender will be male for ease of reference. These rites and practices apply
equally to females in most Holds that keep to these traditions.
I. The Family and Its Importance in Mating
Our family is the closest one may be without being us. Our blood ties are closer than those with
any other. This is a place reserved for only those tied by blood or birthing children of that family's
blood. No well-raised kin will ever question the importance of those within this bond, nor the
respect and honour owed to each. Because of this close bond, the family has a right to ensure
that all of its representatives select worthy mates of comparable station and compatibility.
Tradition demands the mating pair pay deference to the wishes of their family and engages in
courtship only at their permission. In a clan, it is customarily acceptable for this right to be given
to the Clan leader. Many of the largest, oldest, and most powerful clans require approval by their
leaders for marriage into the clan at all.
II. Why the Traditional Way?
Many 'modern' kin have taken to what are commonly referred to as 'human-style' courtships; these
affairs are without form or order and can be chaotic and destructive to both the individuals involved
and the Hold where they reside. They forego traditions of respect, honour, duty, and diligence in
favour of the ease and expediency of what other races call 'romance'. This is a tempting option; no
traditional preparation or permission is required, and it eliminates or comes close to eliminating the
involvement of the family, clan or Hold. While these courtships which end in marriage will create a
legally recognized marriage by the housing Hold, they do not have the same societal regard as the
proper courtship procedures.
A traditional courtship involves the family, clan, and Hold at several levels in the decisionmaking.
This is sensible, as the matched pair can easily have their decisions coloured by their passions.
Traditional courtship provides and demonstrates a level of trust and wise decisionmaking by these
bodies in support of our kin. By providing this counsel, we support each other and provide wise
decisionmaking throughout the courtship.
Traditional courtships honour the old ways of the kin; by deferring to the wisdom of the elders,
family, and ancestors, the couple shows a dedication to duty, honour, and respect to and for our
ways and society. Failure to adhere to these rites is often seen as an indication of corruption by
greed, arrogance, and lust. In some Holds this tradition is so venerated that anyone not following
it is denied a position of public office on the basis of untrustworthiness.
Lastly and perhaps most importantly, the ruling bodies of the more traditional Holds sometimes
grant certain legal rights to those pursuing a proper formal courtship. It is not uncommon for Hold
laws to contain provisions requiring military members in such a courtship to be stationed together,
or for diplomats to have special arrangements made for their partner to travel with them and enjoy
the same protections as the diplomat. Some Holds even allow for the legal adoption of the surviving
member of a traditional courtship by a family: If the family's participant in the courtship has died and
the other partner has no family in good standing with the Hold, such adoption in those Holds is
usually considered a matter of right held by the surviving partner and the grieving family.
Nontraditional courtships do not enjoy legal protections in any but a small minority of Holds. As this
book isn't a definitive legal text, however, any commentary on these laws should be checked
against your local Hold's codex. Speaking in terms of respectable society, these relationships are
looked down on by the Hold and the Morndinsamman as a betrayal of several foundational principles
of their lives and the individuals often find themselves the subject of derision.
III. Instigating Courtship
Any kin wishing to instigate a courtship customarily asks the permission of both their own family
and the family of the person to be courted. Only with the allowance of both families may the
courtship proceed. Some families barter goods or services in exchange for this permission- one of
the long-established ways for a family to advance its station over time: by paying greater dues the
family may obtain permission for courtship above its station.
Once permission is granted, the kin may have to make other registrations as per the practices of
his Hold. Many Holds require notification of the monarch or Ruling Council, whichever is in place,
that a courtship has begun. This allows proper consideration of the matter should a topic affecting
it come up. This is the immediate personal benefit to following the customary rites: an unrecorded
or nonconforming courtship will not be accounted for in the decisions of the ruling body.
Illegitimate or non-approved courtships may be made legitimate at any time by the acceptance of
both families. However, should one family deny this acceptance courtship will remain illegitimate.
Courtship of a kin with no family or a non-kin requires only the permission of the family of the kin.
Permission by the family of another race who is not a member of the Hold is not necessary under
the ways of our people.
Courtship of persons with a dishonoured family are treated by custom identically to those with no
family. If the remaining family will accept their kin's courtship with the dishonoured family's heir,
this is their concern.
IV. The Courtship Period
This is commonly known as "the presentment period" amongst nobility. The couple is held out as
courting, allowing time for the rest of the Hold to evaluate the couple and for the couple to more
fully evaluate the impact of their relationship on the Hold and on themselves. The duration of this
period is indefinite- it may only be ended by dissolution of the courtship or by permission from the
kin's families for marriage.
No sexual activity should take place during or before this period. The families and couple are still
evaluating the prospects of the relationship. The production of a child at this point demands
marriage, thereby cutting off the rights of the families to approve the union. A child before marriage
is a significant dishonour to the families as it denies the rights of the family in favour of the carnal
desires of the individuals.
The courtship may take any form as directed by local law, but generally is not proscribed to a
specific format.
V. Incidents Affecting Courtship (Non-Terminating)
There may be any number of incidents that may have an adverse effect on the courtship but will
not require the customary termination of that courtship. These events, as well as those allotted
by Hold custom, have been used under our tradition to allow the families of the couple to officially
reaffirm or revoke their acceptance of an already-existing courtship:
A. Accusation of crimes against kin in good standing from any Hold or allied settlement.
B. Miscarriage of a child conceived before marriage.
C. Accusation of blasphemy against the ancestors or the divines.
D. Romantic or sexual activity with a person not in the courtship.
E. Extreme disfigurement, physical or mental handicap, or financial misfortune occurring after
approval of the courtship.
Each article listed above carries with it either express or potential dishonour to the couple and
their families should the courtship continue. The family must re-evaluate the relationship in light of
this new evidence and decide if the dishonour is acceptable or the kin is innocent of an accusation.
After this evaluation the family customarily issues either a reaffirmation or revocation of their
stance on the relationship. A proper and dutiful kin will heed this decision obediently.
VI. Courtship Termination (Nonmarital)
Some incidents, on the other hand, are so severe that termination of the courtship has traditionally
been considered to be automatic:
A. Conviction of (A) or (C) above.
B. Accusation or conviction of severe crimes against the Hold (treason, sabotage).
C. Birth of a child from the union of one partner with someone not in the courtship.
D. Infertility if determined by a reliable source accepted by the ruling body of the Hold.
E. Dishonour upon the family or clan of one member of the match resulting in expulsion from the Hold.
If one of these should occur, custom dictates that the couple must petition both families to allow
the romance to resume. However, each of these occurrences carries with it significant and
inalienable dishonour, and a dutiful and mindful kin will never seek to continue a relationship with a
partner guilty of one.
VII. Marriage
Marriage marks the end of the courtship period. A couple is considered to be married after a
traditional courtship upon the consummation of the union. At this point the duties and oversight of
the pair's families end. In various decisions throughout Holds across the map, it has generally been
ruled that consummation on the wedding night is presumed unless strong evidence can be presented
otherwise (sometimes providing grounds to declare the marriage void entirely, though such details
are not the domain of this tome).
Marriage is where nontraditional and traditional courtships converge: a married couple has the same
rights under the laws of most Holds regardless of whether or not their courtship was according to
tradition. It should be noted that while the legal rights are identical in most cases, couples married
after a nontraditional relationship often face some social stigma as a result.
VIII. Courting Members of Other Races
Even when courting a member of another race, kin are expected to uphold the customs and
traditions of courtship. Further, the other partner, even if of an alien race, must also observe our
traditions if the courtship is to be recognized as 'traditional'. Failure to know or understand the
tradition is rarely accepted as an excuse; rather, such lack of knowledge is often seen as a lack of
interest or respect for our traditions and well justifies classifying the relationship as nonconforming.
Members of other races are generally treated identically to dishonoured or orphaned kin in a
traditional relationship: only the kin's family need be consulted or give approval for each stage of
the relationship. Some Holds make an exception to this, allowing alien families the same rights of
approval and rejection when the family has integrated into the Hold and the ruling body has given
its approval.
Some Holds may have specific rules about relationships between specific alien races and kin; be
certain to know all local laws of this matter before attempting to engage a member of an alien race
in courtship.
IX. Final Considerations and Closing
This work is only a guideline and observation of mating practices most commonly observed by
honoured kin. It should not be confused for law, but may be referenced to as a general basis to
show a good-faith attempt to comply with tradition.
The lessons you have learned are not to be taken lightly; remember, tradition is the basis of
humility, honour, respect and all other virtues we hold dear. There is no surer way to grow as a
respected member of our people than to cleave fast to these traditions. In doing so, you
demonstrate your commitment to the people and the subordination of your own ego to the wisdom
of those who seek to help you make the best decision possible.
_________________
~Diana de Priondragas - Enigmatic druid, Arbiter, Counselor, Bear.
~Corinn Aldaine - Just a girl with a big heart... who can turn you into a newt.
~Vigdis Haldorsdottr - Walk softly and carry a big axe.
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