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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:22 AM 

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A copy of this book will be provided to all of the libraries free of charge, and new material added as acquired.


Did you hear about the bards who robbed the music store? They were luters.

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Last edited by CrazyCatLady on Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:39 AM, edited 2 times in total.

 
      
CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:23 AM 

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A Halfling, a Gnome and a Dwarf walk into a bar. They each order a ale. Just as they are about to enjoy their drinks, three flies drop into them. The Halfling pushes the drink away in disgust. The gnome pulled out the fly and finishs as if nothing happened. The Dwarf picks up the fly and shakes it over the drink, yelling "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:23 AM 

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What's the difference between an insane asylum and a band of dragon hunters?
Magic swords.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:25 AM 

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Where are you when Vrock pushes you against a wall??

A Vrock and a hard place

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:26 AM 

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Three orcs walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:26 AM 

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What do you get when you cross a half-orc and a pig?

Nothing, there's just some things you can't get a pig to do.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:30 AM 

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A bard who specializes in ventriloquism is performing in a tavern, doing several jokes about how dumb half-orcs are.

A very large, very mean-looking half-orc in the back of the room stands up and growls, "I'm sick of everyone making fun of half-orcs and saying we're stupid."

The bard begins to apologize for offending the half-orc.

The half-orc says, "Sir, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the little smart-ass sitting in your lap."

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:32 AM 

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I once knew a rogue who was so greedy that he picked his own pockets.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:34 AM 

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Did you here about the priests of the Dairy God? Apparently, they have the power to churn undead.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Mon, Jan 11 2016, 4:06 AM 

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Why do dwarves hate human bars?

Because they don't serve miners!

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Mon, Jan 11 2016, 4:18 AM 

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What do you call the part of a hospital run by necromancers?

I.C.U. & Raise You

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Mon, Jan 11 2016, 4:54 AM 

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Did you hear about the girl who pretended to be a forest nymph?

She was a pseudonymph!

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Thu, Jan 14 2016, 9:39 AM 

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The barkeeper asked us why we carried our weapons on us in the bar.

I said, "Mimics". The barkeeper laughed, the party laughed, and the table laughed. We killed the table. It was a good time.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Thu, Jan 14 2016, 9:44 AM 

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A Cleric of Lathander somehow gets separated from his party deep inside a cave. Turning around a dark corner, he bumps into a fairly good sized black dragon. Frightened out of his wits, he drops to his knees and starts praying to Lathander. Oddly, the dragon does the same. The cleric leaps up, dancing, shouting "I'm saved!" The dragon cocks his head and says, "No, you don't understand...I'm saying 'Grace.'"

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Thu, Jan 14 2016, 10:10 AM 

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How do wraiths multiply?

They reaperduce!

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Fri, Jan 22 2016, 5:17 AM 

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Why shouldn't you fight crossbowmen?

Its wise to avoid quarrels!

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Fri, Jan 22 2016, 5:20 AM 

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Wizards do it by the book.

Fighters do it with protection.

Artificers do it with toys.

Sorcerers do it spontaneously.

Dwarves do it by going deep.

Clerics do it on their knees.

Drows do it in the dark.

Druids do it au naturel.

Barbarians do it bareback.

Alchemists do it with a bang.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:50 AM 

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What do you call a monster that is half earth elemental and half undead?

A rocky horror!

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:51 AM 

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Did you hear about the monk who killed 75% of the staff in the inn?

He left them with a quarterstaff.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:52 AM 

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I found a wizard who specializes in making potions and summoning genies.

I asked him for a djinn and tonic.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:53 AM 

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Why do dragons love eating undead wizards?

They're magically deLICHous

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:54 AM 

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What is the leading cause of death in the underdark?

Drow-ning.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:55 AM 

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How did the bard start a tavern brawl?

He made a lute gesture!

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Tue, Apr 19 2016, 4:59 AM 

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What is good about hiring a Minotaur as a salesman?

He'll never give customers any bull.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Tue, Apr 19 2016, 5:01 AM 

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What do you call a flame genie that vandalizes buildings with paint?

A graffreeti

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Tue, Apr 19 2016, 5:02 AM 

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Yo momma's so fat she uses two Bags of Holding as a bra

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Tue, Apr 19 2016, 5:09 AM 

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Never buy flowers from a monk.

Only you can prevent florist friars.

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Mon, Aug 22 2016, 10:29 AM 

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Who gives the best hickeys?

A NECK romancer!

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Mon, Aug 22 2016, 10:30 AM 

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What do you call a dragon after he's eaten a group of adventurers?

A party pooper!

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CrazyCatLady
 
PostPosted: Mon, Aug 22 2016, 10:37 AM 

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I once convinced a pirate captain to crash his ship into a huge dock.

He crumbled under pier pressure.

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