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[ 30 posts ] |
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:22 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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A copy of this book will be provided to all of the libraries free of charge, and new material added as acquired.
Did you hear about the bards who robbed the music store? They were luters.
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Last edited by CrazyCatLady on Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:39 AM, edited 2 times in total.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:23 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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A Halfling, a Gnome and a Dwarf walk into a bar. They each order a ale. Just as they are about to enjoy their drinks, three flies drop into them. The Halfling pushes the drink away in disgust. The gnome pulled out the fly and finishs as if nothing happened. The Dwarf picks up the fly and shakes it over the drink, yelling "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:23 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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What's the difference between an insane asylum and a band of dragon hunters? Magic swords.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:25 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Where are you when Vrock pushes you against a wall??
A Vrock and a hard place
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:26 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Three orcs walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:26 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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What do you get when you cross a half-orc and a pig?
Nothing, there's just some things you can't get a pig to do.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:30 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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A bard who specializes in ventriloquism is performing in a tavern, doing several jokes about how dumb half-orcs are.
A very large, very mean-looking half-orc in the back of the room stands up and growls, "I'm sick of everyone making fun of half-orcs and saying we're stupid."
The bard begins to apologize for offending the half-orc.
The half-orc says, "Sir, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the little smart-ass sitting in your lap."
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:32 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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I once knew a rogue who was so greedy that he picked his own pockets.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:34 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Did you here about the priests of the Dairy God? Apparently, they have the power to churn undead.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Mon, Jan 11 2016, 4:06 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Why do dwarves hate human bars?
Because they don't serve miners!
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Mon, Jan 11 2016, 4:18 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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What do you call the part of a hospital run by necromancers?
I.C.U. & Raise You
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Mon, Jan 11 2016, 4:54 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Did you hear about the girl who pretended to be a forest nymph?
She was a pseudonymph!
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Thu, Jan 14 2016, 9:39 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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The barkeeper asked us why we carried our weapons on us in the bar.
I said, "Mimics". The barkeeper laughed, the party laughed, and the table laughed. We killed the table. It was a good time.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Thu, Jan 14 2016, 9:44 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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A Cleric of Lathander somehow gets separated from his party deep inside a cave. Turning around a dark corner, he bumps into a fairly good sized black dragon. Frightened out of his wits, he drops to his knees and starts praying to Lathander. Oddly, the dragon does the same. The cleric leaps up, dancing, shouting "I'm saved!" The dragon cocks his head and says, "No, you don't understand...I'm saying 'Grace.'"
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Thu, Jan 14 2016, 10:10 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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How do wraiths multiply?
They reaperduce!
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Fri, Jan 22 2016, 5:17 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Why shouldn't you fight crossbowmen?
Its wise to avoid quarrels!
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Fri, Jan 22 2016, 5:20 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Wizards do it by the book.
Fighters do it with protection.
Artificers do it with toys.
Sorcerers do it spontaneously.
Dwarves do it by going deep.
Clerics do it on their knees.
Drows do it in the dark.
Druids do it au naturel.
Barbarians do it bareback.
Alchemists do it with a bang.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:50 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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What do you call a monster that is half earth elemental and half undead?
A rocky horror!
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:51 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Did you hear about the monk who killed 75% of the staff in the inn?
He left them with a quarterstaff.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:52 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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I found a wizard who specializes in making potions and summoning genies.
I asked him for a djinn and tonic.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:53 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Why do dragons love eating undead wizards?
They're magically deLICHous
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:54 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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What is the leading cause of death in the underdark?
Drow-ning.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:55 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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How did the bard start a tavern brawl?
He made a lute gesture!
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Tue, Apr 19 2016, 4:59 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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What is good about hiring a Minotaur as a salesman?
He'll never give customers any bull.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Tue, Apr 19 2016, 5:01 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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What do you call a flame genie that vandalizes buildings with paint?
A graffreeti
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Tue, Apr 19 2016, 5:02 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Yo momma's so fat she uses two Bags of Holding as a bra
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Tue, Apr 19 2016, 5:09 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Never buy flowers from a monk.
Only you can prevent florist friars.
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Mon, Aug 22 2016, 10:29 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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Who gives the best hickeys?
A NECK romancer!
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Mon, Aug 22 2016, 10:30 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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What do you call a dragon after he's eaten a group of adventurers?
A party pooper!
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CrazyCatLady
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Posted: Mon, Aug 22 2016, 10:37 AM |
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Player
Joined: 19 Nov 2014
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I once convinced a pirate captain to crash his ship into a huge dock.
He crumbled under pier pressure.
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